I seem to have some trouble remembering some of the lessons I’ve been taught about relationships, so perhaps I need to write them down and then I’ll be able to stop making the same mistakes over and over again.  So here goes -

1) crazy for it to be first, but it is the one that will keep me out of the most trouble if I follow it: is she doesn’t want to fuck you constantly just about from the beginning, and without much in the way of limits of what she wants to do sexually just about from the beginning, it isn’t going to change later and you need to just walk away.

2) if she is more interested in your kids or your wife than she is in you, that’s great for her relationship with them, but it isn’t going to work, and you need to just walk away.

3) if she doesn’t need you, walk away.

4) if she isn’t fairly crazy, walk away.

5) however, if her presence in your life means that you can’t have order in your life, walk away.  Tough balancing act, I know.

6) you have value, and are desirable.  If she doesn’t seem to feel this way about you, walk away.

7) if she isn’t a sexual deviant with a high sex drive, you’re just going to drive each other crazy.  Walk away.

if you find that you have to always drive the sex train, that she is compliant but never shows initiative or sexual want, walk away.  Even when dealing with a submissive, you can still expect them to show desire without prompting.  If you always have to prompt them, it will only drive you to despair.

9) if she is ok with you keeping your sexual desires to yourself, or if she shows a lack of interest in exploring your desires with you, walk away.

Well, those are the ones off the top of my head.  If you can think of any I’ve missed, please let me know so I can add them! 

The BDSM community has long identified a trend in society to brand certain kinks as ok and others as not, even though the deliniation is being made on a truly arbitrary basis.  I’m not talking about, “This is what I like to do, and those are things *I* don’t want to do.”  I’m talking about, “This is what I like to do, and therefore everyone should be ok with it.  Those are the things I do not like to do, and therfore no one should even be allowed to do those things, simply because I don’t like them.”  This isn’t how individuals express it, but these are the thoughts going on.  For example, I’ve met plenty of people into choking thier partners who don’t even consider themselves as kinky at all, and think that BDSM practitioners are bad people.  There are those that flog or cane that feel that needle play is wrong, people into intense 24×7 D/s who feel that incest role play is wrong, and it goes on and on.  A significant number of people in the community however do recognize the problem and do thier best to remove this sort of thinking from themselves and thier associates.  This is certainly a positive thing.

What puzzles me is that so few people are able to see the foolishness in this sort of thinking, and that even some that are able to see it in one context are unable to see it in another.  For example, I know a number of people that are quite upset over the restrictions placed on the trafficing of a specific mind altering substance.  The substance in particular is wine.  However, I also know that at least some of them see no problems in restrictions being placed on any number of the wide variety of mind altering substances currently being manufactured around the globe.  Isn’t this a my kink, your kink situation?  Or the legions who are concerned with various social networking site’s privacy features, but not concerned with government snooping into thier personal lives.  It is well established that information seized by the government is widely distributed into public, private and criminal markets (just ask the folks that had thier SSNs distributed after VA lost a laptop).  Again, my kink, your kink.  I just don’t get it.

You know, life it hard.  More so for some people than others, but that just means that those of us who have it easier should appreciate what we have all the more.  So it never ceases to amaze me that so many people, particularly those who have been given a really shit roll of the dice in life, won’t take an easy rode to security or success when it is put in front of them.  Some people just always have to do it the hard way…

Just wanted folks to know that my phone is broken.  So I’m not ignoring you, I just have to get my phone fixed.  Should be good in a couple of days.